DECEMBER 5

Today, we received confirmation that the pain in and around Gary's right eye is the Lymphoma in the nerves. There are tumors in around the nerve bundle. This is the same as it is in his brachial plexus. I just can't quite get my mind wrapped around the idea that the chemo treatments Gary was receiving seemingly took care of what was on the left side of his face and now 3 weeks later, it is manifesting itself on the right.

The doctors started Gary on a treatment of Rituxin and a steroid, which they hope will also give him relief from the pain. At this time, they are still discussing among themselves the next best course of treatment. They are hesitant to give the Methotrexate for 2 reasons... 1 being that it is so hard on Gary's kidneys and 2, there is a national shortage on the rescue drug Loucovorin. They have other options with that, but because of Gary's past experiences, they do not want to take any chances. They are leaning toward giving him a chemo drug that is in pill form which he could take at home and then come in once a week for the Rituxin.

The main issue right now is giving him relief from the pain. I can't explain to you how bad he is suffering. It is very hard to watch and not be able to do anything. The drugs they are giving him in the hospital are helping take the edge off for a few hours and then he has to suffer for about an hour and a half before the next dosage takes effect. Hopefully the steroid they gave him tonight will start working. Until he is better with the pain, they will not release him.

I appreciate so much the comments, emails and phone calls from all of you letting me know you are praying. This afternoon I met another patient who was commenting that his treatments are going very well with his leukemia. He smiled and said, "But I have an amazing prayer support that would be the envy of all and that is making the difference for me."

I thought about that as I walked back to Gary's room. My first thought was, "well, WE too have an amazing prayer support and things are not looking so good right now." *with a slight tinge of sadness*. And then almost immediately God spoke to my heart. The thought came to me... Who is to say that all the prayers are not working? Without the prayers, Gary might be worse by now or even gone on to heaven. Why do we always think that when we get the answers WE want or things go how WE think they should go... that God answered our prayers? And when WE don't get what WE want, He didn't? God's plan may be different than our plan and it is all being worked out according to His purpose. For whatever reason, God in His infinite wisdom, has chosen to give Gary a terrible disease, and for whatever reason, He has chosen to not give us a quick "fix". What God wants me to do, is to rest in His plan and trust Him in whatever the future holds.